Not again...

So... I was planning this really nice pregnancy announcement complete with ultrasound photo and all... but it looks as though we are miscarrying another baby. I was only about 6 weeks...

This pregnancy was such a surprise, as we were not really trying as of yet... I was floored when I actually got a positive pregnancy test. I wasn't feeling as sick as I thought I should have been and in the back of my mind that worried me... but I was determined to not let it get to me and was trying to stay positive about this one. That was until this morning when I woke to blood, while that's not a pretty picture, it's what happens. The bleeding has gotten heaver throughout the day, and I am pretty sure that this isn't going to go to term.

We never did tell the girls about this pregnancy... mostly because I wasn't ready for the barrage of questions that would have been sure to come... The plan was to tell them after we got a good ultrasound and were pretty sure that everything was A-OK... Now I am thankful that all they know is that 'mommy didn't feel good today'

I have an ultrasound schedule for the morning, but... like I told my mom on the phone this evening.. I am holding out a sliver of hope, but not going to hold my breath...


****Update****
I did have the ultrasound done and showed that there was nothing in there now... and the blood work that they took on Monday showed that this pregnancy ended long before Monday... That's the update. I am healing physically and emotionally by the grace of God. May HE get the praise and glory HE deserves!

Valenstime day

Yes I know that I spelled that wrong, but 'Valenstime' is how Faith and Megan say it. It was a good day!! I had to be at work, like all Saturday's and be there an extra hour. When I finally got home, there were gifts on the table for everyone (the girls and I actually had to go wrap Steve's - I had forgotten to before hand), and Steve was working on a wonderful Mexican dinner of (soft) Tacos... Yum, which means "Grandma Naomi's recipe" for the meat and then the regular taco fixins; but he also did fajitas... OH they were so good, everything was!! For dessert Steve had made shortcake in the shape of a heart and had sliced some strawberries that I found on sale last week (yum) and we had Strawberry Shortcake... I was SO full afterward. And what about the gifts? Well, the girls both got a small heart of chocolates, we gave Steve a T-shirt (he goes through those fast - as well as pants...) and a Gardner's chocolate that says 'DAD' (he LOVES Gardner's chocolate, so I didn't feel too bad for giving him chocolate - something he doesn't ususlly like). My gift was a NEW (well I think refurbished, but...) Sewing Machine!!! I am SUPER stoked about this, as the one I had was starting to give out (timing issues and now no zig-zag)... now I'm sure that someone who knows what the are doing when tinkering with a sewing machine, could give it a nice tune up and it would work great again. I am just not that person! So a new one is FABULOUS!!! This one will do things that I never dreamed you could do with 'el-cheapo' basic sewing machines. And to top it off, it is SO much quieter!! Not sure yet what we are going to do with the old one, as I don't really want to just toss it, but I'm sure we'll figure it out.

The new machine, in the midst of the "Clothing for new Cabbage Patch Kids" project.

So, I hope everyone had a nice "Valenstime" Day!

Corine Stephanie

So today is our due date ... or it was supposed to be. I didn’t make it to the 40 week mark with Faith or Megan so I am sure (especially with our weather lately) that Corine would have been here before today. It's been five months and three weeks since our little one went to heaven.

This month has been a hard one. I have received numerous ‘new mommy’ mailings, that just remind me that my baby’s not here, and won’t be. I have seen a couple of ambulances that remind me of my own ambulance ride on that day. I have been in tears more this month than I think I was in Aug. My sweet children keep asking (and it has increased in the last few weeks) about our baby, and how to see her again (this is a blessing :)). Bless their sweet little souls! They have also been asking a lot more frequently, if there is another baby in Mommy’s tummy. HA (oh how I wish though) I have also noticed that they are ‘playing babies’ more, by putting small stuffed animals in their shirts... while it’s cute I usually ask them to please stop.

I am so thankful for the outpouring of support we received from our church, and the gals at MOPS, and from a particular friend (outside of either of the other two). Without the love, support and care (namely food) from these three groups/people I would have been a mess... taken longer to ‘come back to the real world’ ... and my family probably would not have known what to do with me. I know that we were in the right place(s) at that time, and I could not have asked for much better... given the circumstances.

What I am posting from here on out is a letter to Corine, and some pictures.

This first one is the ultrasound we had done the end of July, I love it (I admit I love all ultrasound pictures, even if they are not my own) she just looks so content in there, and I love that it is such a great profile.




This next one is the day before the miscarriage (isn’t God good? that I thought to take a picture that day, and not wait or put it off for a ‘better’ one). I still cannot believe how big I was at just 15 weeks!

Lastly, I am going to do something so hard... I am posting the Polaroid that the hospital took of Corine. I will tell you though that it was on of the hardest things to do, to actually take this picture out of our ‘Corine Box,’ scan it, name the scan and actually post it here. (feel privileged)

I miss her

Now for my letter to her:

Dear Sweet Corine Stephanie
Today was supposed to be your due date. I didn’t ever make it to either of your big sisters’ due dates, so I am sure that you would have been here by now, but today was officially when you were due. Mommy misses you! Your sisters and Daddy do too! We miss not getting to know who you were and what you looked like. We miss the things that come with a new baby, first foods and first smiles and first steps. I wonder if you would look like your sister Faith (and your mommy) or if you would like your sister Megan (and Daddy) or if you would have looked like a blend ... like little Micah from church.

I know that you are safe in Jesus’ arms, and that’s the best place to be... I do hope that He has let your great grandma Naomi hold you and that she has told you wonderful stories of your Daddy.

I hope that someday you will have a little brother or sister that we can tell about you. Your big sisters know that you were such a special baby, and they are both good big sisters and ask about you often. You have taken a piece of Mommy’s heart, and I won’t ever forget you.

I am sad that we had to say goodbye to you so early. God has a plan though, and He knows what’s best, so Mommy is trusting Him in that.

Mommy loves and misses you baby

Randomness

So I haven't posted in a while.. no good excuse. But I thought I'd show off a couple of random, cute things :)

You've heard of 'Jack Sprat' and his wife, who between the two of them, they 'licked the platter clean.' I do believe that this is my children. The night that these pictures were taken, I had made meatloaf, mashed potatoes (a mix of the boxed stuff with 'real') and green beans. Nothing too fancy, but not overly simple either.

This is what Megan left... all but her her meatloaf

And this is what Faith left... her meatloaf

And so between the two of them, they had one meal. I find it comical and frustrating at the same time. *sigh* oh well...

I thought this was too cute. This is my 'clone' (cause she is looks almost just like me) in MY sweatshirt from MY Alma Matter... oh my she is just too cute in it, all over-sized and cuddly looking... 'Go Flagstaff Eagles'

Oh! and notice one more thing... I got a cute little siggy (see below). I was reading some other blogs and wondering if it is as easy as it looks :) I am here to say that, lo and behold it is! Go here if you want one, it's super easy and the instruction are all there.

Ok... that's it from here for now. There will be a post tomorrow about our sweet Corine (it's her origional due date), so I warn you now it will be a bit emotional.
God Bless!

Sweet Sundays

I love Sundays! I get to sing… not that I don’t at home, there’s just some better accompaniment at church and no one asks you why you are singing :)

Exodus 33:18-20 (New International Version)

18 Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."

“Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life”
I remember as a young child singing this chorus at church. SO when this passage was read at church this morning, I remembered this chorus (it helps that someone else mentioned it too haha). Something about it struck me, then we sang a song. Now if you know me I LOVE music, it can speak volumes to the soul! So as much as the verse... the song was also powerful (to me). God is in control! He is in control of all of our situations. And as our pastor pointed out, He doesn’t forget us, in fact He REMEMBERS us. He will have mercy on us.

The song that I enjoyed so much this morning is called “Oh the Deep, Deep Love.” This isn’t done like I remembered it from my childhood either… you can hear a sample here, but here are the lyrics:

“Oh the Deep, Deep Love”
Original words by Samuel Trevor Francis (1834–1925) Music, chorus, and alternate words by Bob Kauflin

As recorded on Come Weary Saints

Lyrics

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me
Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of Your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Your glorious rest above

Oh the deep, deep love
All I need and trust
Is the deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Spread His praise from shore to shore
How He came to pay our ransom
Through the saving cross He bore
How He watches o’er His loved ones
Those He died to make His own
How for them He’s interceding
Pleading now before the throne

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Far surpassing all the rest
It’s an ocean full of blessing
In the midst of every test
Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Mighty Savior, precious Friend
You will bring us home to glory
Where Your love will never end

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Have a blessed week!