*Warning: this is lengthy and emotionally heavy... read at your own risk!*There are a couple of songs that bring me to... or nearly to, tears.
The first one I referenced the first day as one of my favorites. Yes a fav song can still move me so much. It's Glory Baby by Watermark. I clung to this song after our 15week miscarriage (and subsequent 6 week one too). The whole song is just exactly what anyone who has lost a little one to infant death or miscarriage can relate to... every word! I think, though, that the line that first caught my attention (read - instant tears) was "
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till mom and dad can hold you…" Glory BabyGlory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
The other song that will get me now also stems from that miscarriage experience. I was one that I thought of while Steve and I were in the ER that night. We were just sitting there (well I was lying there), I am bleeding profusely and I've got an IV of fluid and potassium, and this song title just pops into my head (how awesome that God will do that!). So I ask Steve if he remembers the words to the song "It is well with my Soul" ... though a bit of stumbling and calling his mom (who has hymnals and a computer...) we get the words and have our own little hymn sing there in the ER
It Is Well with My Soul
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I had probably heard it a bit growing up, but didn't remember much, so I was surprised (and yet...) that it came to mind. It was only afterwords that I learned what the author of the song, Horatio Spafford, went through. Loss of his son, his business, his three daughters, all in a matter of a couple of years.
We knew Corine had a problem, but that didn't lessen our desire for that child; and yet there was a peace I felt about her passing that is conveyed in this song. Horatio did go on to have more children and founded a mission group serving the poor in Jerusalem. ...and yes we now have Holly :)
